Thursday, 18 December 2014

Abandon Hope, Ye Who Watch X-Factor

Albums Of The Year:
The Metal Edition:
The Only Edition That Matters


Considering it is halfway through December now I have decided to do my Best Albums of the Year list because I expect I will be in a food coma in the coming weeks.

This won't be a top whatever countdown, it's just some of the albums I have enjoyed this year. There may or may not be a film version of this. It would depend on whether I can remember what films I've seen. But I may leave that until into the new year because I still got time to watch films. Plus I still have to see the conclusion to The Hobbit and I will not see it in 3D after the utterly terrible looking Desolation of Smaug last year. Has everyone now realised how awful 3D is? Captain America was the final straw. And I had to see that in 3D because I wouldn't have been able to continue watching Agents of SHIELD otherwise. If you're still paying to see films in 3D then it is all your fault that it hasn't died out. And I might as well blame you people for all the shitty CGI. Get control of your life for fuck sake.


Behemoth - The Satanist



Where better to start than with the Satanic blackened death metal band Behemoth. This is their follow up the the awesome Evangelion and the comeback album after their singer/leader Nergal's battle with leukemia. The video above is the song Pro Ora Nobis Lucifer, "Pray For Us Lucifer", a sentiment I think we can all get behind. As you can hear in the video (also try the title track), Behemoth stand out from the black metal and death metal bands by having a heavy groove to their sound.


BabyMetal - BabyMetal



The thing with BabyMetal is you either like it or you don't. For the enlightened among us we really love it. How can you not like a song about chocolate? It may be sung in the J-Pop style but the music is heavy and it all just works. Some may say it works better than Symphonic Metal but those people would just be Aishling. The song above isn't as catchy as Headbanger!! or Gimme Choko!! and it does have an electronica sound in it which really only Rammstein can get away with but the reason I'm putting it up is for the breakdown in it. After the little rap part (which I don't have a problem with probably due to my time with Nu Metal) there is a humongous breakdown that most all metalcore bands wish they could dream of.


Killer Be Killed - Killer Be Killed



When members of four different awesome metal bands come together you expect great things. But when Max Cavalera of Soulfly, Troy Sanders of Mastodon, Greg Puciato of Dillinger Escape Plan and Dave Elitch from The Mars Volta you get a kickass album. All three vocalists bring their own distinctive voices to the songs. They even take turns singing the melodic parts but as you would expect Greg is the most melodic as you can hear in this song. At first I did find it too poppy sounding but with more listens comes a greater appreciation of it and it adds to the song itself. For a melodic Troy listen to Melting Of My Marrow. Also, how many riffs does Max Cavalera have in him? He has written over 20 albums.


Down - Down IV Part II



I think I've said before that Down achieve more in an EP than what most bands can do in a full length album. Down continued with their plan of releasing an EP instead of an album which is a great idea considering they usually take five years to release an album. But Part II came out within two years of their last EP. With any luck we'll get more Southern Doom in the near future. This EP is the first release not to feature Kirk Windstein who sadly left the band. Not to worry, as this is still Down down to the core. Everything that makes Down who they are is here. The groovy riffs, the heavy drumming and of course Phil. Plus there is a very Sabbath influenced song in Conjure. Fucking A.


Crowbar - Symmetry In Black




Kirk Windstein left Down to focus on his original band, Crowbar. I can forgive him because Crowbar are awesome. You know when the T-Rex walks in Jurassic Park and the water ripples? The same thing happens when you play a Crowbar song. These are riffs that only get better the louder you play them. This isn't for your sensitive ears. If you can't handle the heaviness/loudness then go join the people in the Ed Sheeran wanker brigade.


Arch Enemy - War Eternal



So, a strange thing happened earlier this year. Angela Gossow announced her departure from Arch Enemy to focus on the managerial side of the band and just as quickly as she had left Alissa White-Gluz from The Agonist had taken her place. The album is a return to form. I had felt they became very stagnant with their previous two albums but with Alissa coming in they seem to be reinvigorated. She doesn't use her melodic singing voice on the album but I hope that she does on the follow up. To hear what she sounds like check out Thank You, Pain by The Agonist. But make sure you listen to the version with Alissa because they also got a new vocalist and re-recorded that song.


Mastodon - Once More 'Round The Sun




Mastodon released one of the best albums of the year. Of any genre. Unfortunately they don't get any recognition because they don't have wimmins shaking their asses in their videos... Oh wait... Nevermind. But they still are overlooked. Once More 'Round The Sun is less riff-heavy as their previous albums but their song writing makes up for it. Like The Hunter before it it takes a little longer to get into but listen to the album a few times and it will gradually unlock your ears to the magnificence of Mastodon. Almost every time I listen to it I end up with a new favourite track. Also, I met Brent. I now know what people feel when they find Jesus in toast.


Orange Goblin - Back From The Abyss




Orange Goblin released my favourite album of 2012, A Eulogy for the Damned. And in those last two years I saw them live twice. They were amazing. They followed that up with Back From The Abyss. This album I had on repeat for a long time. It broke my Mastodon listening cycle. Whereas Eulogy sounded like it could be the soundtrack to a horror film this one sounds more like a Grindhouse soundtrack. The opening track, Sabbath Hex (so-called because if you don't like Black Sabbath you should be cursed), is a good indicator as to how the rest of the album plays out. Fast and in your face. And The Devils Whip is pure Motorhead fanboyism. My favourite track is Heavy Lies The Crown. Probably because it's a song for/about Vikings.


Slipknot - .5: The Gray Chapter



Slipknot finally returned this year! And they returned minus two members but with another kickass album. When they released The Negative One a while back it reminded me of Iowa era Slipknot. It had the heaviness, the aggression and, most importantly, the record scratching. They followed that up with the above video and I wasn't loving it much at first but it plants a seed in your head. One that grows and tells you there's more to see in the video and that makes you listen to the song again and it grows more and you listen some more. And some more. And then you realise that yes, that IS a keg hit or two you heard in there. And finally the plant grows out of your brain and you love it. That analogy sucked. The album itself opens with a very sombre track that, if you know what happened, is very emotional for that reason. But after that track the band bring the heaviness. There are a few mellowish songs which I don't have a problem with because Corey Taylor can show off his range any way he wants and it's always good. Even when singing the Spongebob theme.


Machine Head - Bloodstone and Diamonds




The best way to round out the year is with a new Machine Head album. Orange Goblin stopped me listening to Mastodon. Slipknot stopped me listening to Orange Goblin. And Machine Head stopped me listening to everything. I had this album on a constant repeat for two weeks after it came out. In the first weekend I must have listened to it over ten times. It is that good. Since Through The Ashes Of Empires Machine Head have become an unstoppable force of metal. Listen to it and The Blackening back to back and you may come out of it alive. If you're lucky you will become a devout Headcase. I guess I'm one since I named my blog after their first album.

You couldn't ask for a better opener than Now We Die. It's heavy, melodic and has a string section in there. I've read some comments about people saying they hated the song after hearing the chorus. God forbid a band would add violins to a song. If you're scared of something new then stick to your deathcore bands. They'll never do anything new or shocking. Anyway, you should listen to this album. There's a song on there, I can't remember which one, maybe Game Over, it reminds me of Supercharger (the album that nearly destroyed the band) but that album is much better than people say. It unfairly gets a bad rap. Also, in Game Over, when you realise that the person's grave he will piss on is their former bassist the song becomes a bit angrier. Give the album a go and if it's not for you then try AC/DC. You can listen to their whole back catalogue in one song.


Black Steel And Iron


There are some other albums that came out this year that I haven't properly listened to so I didn't include them and others that I just never got round to getting or listening to. Some of these are:

Opeth - Pale Communion
Electric Wizard - Time To Die
At The Gates - At War With Reality
Devin Townsend - Z2
Judas Priest - Redeemer Of Souls
Triptykon - Melana Chasmata

If any of you have listened to any good albums this year then let me know in the comments so as I can check them out.

I'll leave you with this Goatwhore video. A band I discovered from watching NOLA: Life, Death, & Heavy Blues from the Bayou. A series of documentary videos that you need to watch. Enjoy.



Friday, 31 October 2014

It's Over. For Now...

"Atatata Taata Taatatata Zukkyun!"


It's the end of October and for The 'Ween I have the last part of the Month of Macabre. Number 27 to 31. Here are parts One, Two and Three in case you haven't read them or want to remember what came before. And here is the list one last time.




"Wadadada Daada Daadadada Dokkyun"



27: Scariest Monster

Since I don't find any monsters scary nowadays because monsters in horror films now are either stupid looking or the person holding the camera can't stop shaking it and you just wish they'd shut up and get eaten by the monster. How about you get a tripod and sit the camera on it so we can get a good five second look at the monster instead of a total of ten shaky seconds looking at parts of a creature?
Anyway, I will go for any of the monsters from John Carpenter's The Thing. They are all unique and like any practical effects from the 80s they still look good today. Imagine, The Thing is 32 years old now. The effects and Kurt Russell still look badass after all those years.




28: Spookiest Haunted House

The house from House on Haunted Hill. Vincent Price's house, not Geoffrey Rush's. People are invited to spend the night in the house and if they can stay the whole night they will be given money. But the house is supposedly haunted and strange goings-on... go on and some people are murdered. Like in all his films, Vincent Price gives an astounding performance. He comes to act and doesn't let up. Maybe some people these days should learn from him. If you think your film is crap then try make it good yourself rather than bitching about it afterwards. Ungrateful pricks.


"You think you're cool?"


29: Sickest Torture Porn
29: Best Foreign Horror Film

I was thinking of picking Ringu for this one but then thought that if anyone needs to be told that it's superior to the shitty remake then they need to just drown themselves in a well.
My choice will be R-Point. It's a South Korean film about a squad sent to rescue a missing platoon in Vietnam after receiving an S.O.S transmission. I first saw the film at an Asian film festival over a weekend in Dublin with my brother. I think this was the first film shown and while the other five films were great this was by far the best. I found the film to be quite nerve-racking. It was a long time before and since that I felt that way watching a film.


An awful lot of Deadpool comes up when you search R-Point images.


"Zukyun! Dokyun! Zukyun! Dokyun!"



30: Cutest Demon/Possession

What a stupid question this is. Am I supposed to be attracted to the demon or what? I'm gonna think outside the box with this one and go with the demonic cat from Hausu. Is a cat cute enough for you? It's kind of hard to describe Hausu. Some girls go to one of their aunt's house and weird things happen that you need to see. Do so as soon as possible. You will not regret it. And if you do then you can stick to Transformers. That might be more tailored to your mental age.





31: Best Halloween Party Scene

I'm going with a classic for this one. It's a short film but at the end there's an awesome party scene with all your favourite monster characters. I don't think it was a Halloween party but since it's my film I'm changing it for the purposes of this.


 

 

"Yada! Yada! Yada! Yada! Never! Never! Never!"

 

This brings the Month of Macabre to an end. Or does it? It does...? It's not like a horror film, it will be over. Or will it?

Since today is The 'Ween what better song to have than this one by BabyMetal. We all know that when you say "Trick or Treat" you really mean "Gimme Chocolate".

Happy 'Ween to all you 'Weeners.


Thursday, 30 October 2014

Horror Block 2

"Night, Follows Me When You Leave"


A new Horror Block arrived this week so I filmed the unboxing of the box. You can watch the video and then look at the pictures of what I got. Warning! You get to hear Aishling in this video. I believe that she left out a lot of stuff pertaining to me just sitting there reading while she was telling me to hurry up. I am not like a child. You are!




"With The Sights, And The Sounds You'd Not Believe"

 

Crystal Lake Killer Shirt

As you can probably tell from the video I really love the shirt. I thought the Guardians of the Galaxy one I got last month was the best but nothing can beat Jason Voorhees. It even looks awesome with him silhouetted against the moon but his machete is shining. I'm afraid to wear this shirt now because I don't want it get ruined. But I will. It's too awesome not to be shown off.




Friday the 13th ReAction Jason Figure

Another item I was really excited about getting. I could have gotten Sam from Trick 'r Treat instead of Jason, which I would have loved but I think I much prefer this one since jason has always been my favourite killer.



The ReAction figures are minimalist retro designs. They may seem like there's not much too them but I think that just makes it better especially since a lot of the characters are from the 70s and 80s so they're similar to what you would have gotten back then. Also I was worried Jason didn't have his machete but it's taped to the side of the plastic. Whew!



I will be taking him out of the box once I get somewhere to put him. I'm not like those people who have a crap attack when they remove stuff from the packaging. Toys are meant to be taken out and enjoyed. How would you like to be stuck in a box for your whole life?




Wes Craven Fangoria Mag

As I said in the video I have never read a Fangoria mag before but I will be reading this one as it's a special Nightmare on Elm Street 30th anniversary edition containing interviews with Wes Craven and some actors and others involved with the film. There's more than that in the mag but that's half of the contents anyway.




 "So Into The Night, Into The Darkness"



Build Your Own Zombie

You can make your own undead monster to roam the land. You get the two pots of dough and combine them to make a crazy looking zombie. When I get the chance I will see what I can come up with. I'm not the most artistic so whatever I make will probably look like one of the old ugly walkers from Sex and the City. But probably not as dried up.




Cereal Killer Stickers

I was a little confused when I took this out first as I actually thought it was some kind of weird cereal. And then I was disappointed when I found out it wasn't cereal. But I still get some stickers.




When I opened the box and saw the foil I thought it was pop tarts too. How many times must I be fooled by non-breakfast foods? The puns are good though and I only got three duplicate stickers. Not too bad I suppose.



Puppet Master Blu-ray

This was unexpected. I never thought I would get a blu-ray in these Blocks. I do have the box set of Puppet Master on DVD but I don't mind getting anything on blu-ray so long as I don't have it on blu-ray already. And so long as it's not something shit like Transformers. I didn't realise that this blu-ray was region A and my player is a region B. But luckily it played when I tried it out so either my player is a multi region or the disc is a region B with the wrong packaging on it. Hopefully the player is multi region because then i can get many other blu-rays. Mainly those from Scream Factory.





Here are the contents of the Horror Block sans the t-shirt but with a skeleton foot.





"Until The Morn, Carrying On and On and On..."


There goes another unboxing. Thanks for watching and reading. And thanks to Aishling for being the disembodied hand touching my putty and editing the video and taking the photos.

Until next time you can read my previous blogs if you haven't already. And following this one will be the completion of the Month of Macabre. You might as well enjoy this 'Ween themed video from the mighty Devin Townsend Band. Not to be confused with Devin Townsend Project.



Monday, 27 October 2014

This Is Just Macabre

"Say Goodbye, You Know I've Tried..."

 

Welcome back. This will be Part 3 of the Month of Macabre list thing. I think we're coming into the section of stuff where I don't really know what I'll come up with for some of them. But sure we might as well get through it. Together we can do it.




There's the list to remind you of it. I think I'm at Number 20. I'll go as far as 25 or 26 for this blog and finish it all in my next. maybe I'll get the last one up on The 'Ween. Or sometime in November.


"But Now The Time To Mourn Has Died"



20: Most Badass Final Girl

Ellen Ripley from Aliens. Notice I said Aliens and not Alien. There are two reasons. 1) Aliens was the first film of the series I ever saw. It also involved me waking up at night when I was young and going into the sitting room while my parents were watching it and I decided to stay up and watch it too. Why did I always wake up when horror films were on? And what kind of parents did I have who would let a young child watch Aliens? Awesome parents I would say.
b) Ripley wasn't really a "badass" at the end of the first film. Sure it takes some badassery to survive while all your friends are being eaten by an alien but nothing beats carrying a child and a pulse rifle/ flamethrower combo while fending off an alien queen. And then getting into a power loader and fighting some more. If anything, Ripley is the greatest final person, male or female, in all of cinema.


Jonesy was the real star.


21: Favourite Director

No doubt it has to be John Carpenter. Or Takashi Miike. Or Guillermo del Toro.
John Carpenter for making some of the most enduring and entertaining films ever. And for being too far ahead of his time. Nobody cared about The Thing when it first came out but now it's considered one of the greatest horror films ever. He also created the slasher genre with Halloween. Made fog scary and made Kurt Russell an action hero in one film and an idiot in another.
Takashi Miike pushed the envelope with some of his films. There's things in his films that Hollywood would never dream of in their worst nightmares, let alone think of putting them in a film. He was very prolific. In one year he made about 14 films. If you want crazy films where you don't know what's going on then watch some of his. Start with Gozu. I believe that without him we wouldn't have the Japanese Super Gore (that's one of mine) films like Tokyo Gore Police or The Machine Girl. He was also the only director in the Masters of Horror series not to have his episode be shown on TV because it was "the most disturbing film" that the producer, also a horror director, had ever seen.
Guillermo del Toro is a genius. If you have ever seen Pan's Labyrinth then you know what I mean. If you've been keeping up with my blogs you already know how much I idolise him. I love every film he has made. He can do horror (The Devil's Backbone), action (Blade II), fantasy (Pan's Labyrinth) and combine all those genres and make Hellboy. Also, if you were ever a child you should love Pacific Rim.


This is the kind of stuff you can expect from miike.


22: Your Horror Collection

This is the best picture we have of my collection at the moment. Everything is pretty much stored away until we can get space to unleash it all. This is about half of my horror DVDs and I have plenty more toys and stuff, like my Captain Spaulding doll and Bert the zombie. I have numerous t-shirts from Fright Rags and other places. Someday in the near future I'll hopefully get to show them all off.


Everything is mine except the TARDIS just appeared one day.

"It's Cold Inside The Worm..."


23: Most Awesome One-Liner

"You OK?" - Tucker from Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil.
I can't say when or why he says this in case some of you haven't seen it but for those of you that have you will know why it's so good. And the way he says it makes it hilarious.





24: Favourite Cursed Object

I was having trouble trying to think of something for this, which is always the way when you try to sit down and think of something. But then Aishling told me to go with Hellraiser. Even though she hasn't seen it but I'm sure if you haven't seen the film you're still aware of the puzzle box. I haven't watched Hellraiser in a good while. The last time I did watch it I remember the effects were still really good. Apart from one part where they had to use CGI because they ran out of money which just proves that CGI is worthless. Unless it's done by Peter Jackson. But then his 20 year old practical zombie effects are still better than his 10 year old Lord of the Rings effects.





25: Do The Thriller Dance

No.





26: Favourite Killer Robot

Technically, I would say Kruger from Elysium is a robot since he has special enhancements and an exoskeleton. But if you're gonna be pedantic about it then I'll go for the robots from Chopping Mall. Some teens get stuck in a shopping mall after hours and the robotic security malfunctions and three killer robots are set loose in the mall. How could you not want to see that?


It has the star power of that guy from Gremlins 1 and 2


"Nothing Ever Bothers Me Now"

 

Well that wasn't so bad. I did have plenty to talk about. The last few on the list should be harder for me to come up with something because torture porn films are the worst ever made and how the hell do you not come across as some kind of sexually frustrated horror nerd by choosing a cutest demon/possession? I'm sure I'll manage anyway. In the meantime enjoy this awesome Devin Townsend Project song. Try not to confuse it with Devin Townsend Band or even just Devin Townsend. The man never stops.


 

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Nerd Block 2

"I Hope You Live To See The Day..."


My second Nerd Block arrived so I made a new video. There it is below followed by some pictures of what I got.




"When Your World Goes Up in Flames"


The T-Shirt

The shirt is pretty awesome. In the video I called them Blunt Man and Chronic but I think for the purposes of the shirt it's just Jay and Silent Bob dressed as some obscure characters. We'll probably never know. If you're wondering why I react the way I do about getting a new shirt it's because myself and Aishling decided to stop buying new ones because we already have so many. Some we haven't even gotten around to wearing yet. But in the last three Blocks I have gotten four new shirts. I won't complain because I like most of them.




Little Deadpool

Without his mask. If you don't know him, Deadpool is a Marvel comic character. If you saw Wolverine: Origins then you would have seen the bastardised version of him at the end of that film. According to the card that comes with the Block there were two different versions of Deadpool that could be gotten. There was the one I got, the grey coloured outfit, and there was his normal coloured outfit, the one shown on the Funko box. He will join our ever growing collection of Funko. Last week I actually got the Never Nude Tobias Funke for my birthday from a friend.



Coulson's Cards

You may know these from the Avengers film and they an important part in it. If you could hear me in the video I wondered out loud if they came with the blood stains on them. If you look at the photo on the left below you will see that it has "2 Complete Sets Of Cards".



And here are the two sets. They're both the same set of cards but one set has the blood stains on them. I like that you get both sets. Even though the quality of the cards aren't great they still went to the trouble to give you both.



They were in his locker.



"And As You Die You See My Face"


Arkham Patient Notes

When first looking at this I thought it was a little notebook that had some character information on the inmates of Arkham Asylum, which would have been cool, but it's still a pretty awesome little notebook and would come in handy if you needed post-it notes.




I, however, will probably never use it but I will put it with my other collection of things I have to show off. I could put it next to my Batman holding Joker over the side of a building statue.




The Dangler

A phone charm of Link from the Zelda games. Or you could hang him off other things if you like. I never played a Zelda game before so I'm not as excited about this as I could be. It is cool and he has freaky claw hands for some reason.




Stickers & Badges

This Nerd Block was called something like "Marvel vs D.C." or "Marvel D.C. VS" and it would seem that these badges are what they meant by it. It was the only thing in the box where both universes were together. And I like the stickers. I'm looking forward to Tusk. It should be crazy and have a good dose Kevin Smith's humour.




"You're the Only One to Blame"


Thank you for watching and reading. Feel free to comment and let me know what you liked or disliked.

Once again I would have liked to put a proper song in my video. But since I couldn't here is what it would have been. And yes, I have been listening to the new Slipknot album a lot recently.



Sunday, 19 October 2014

It's Pronounced Ma-Cab-Ree

"Step Inside, See The Devil In I"


Time for another round of the The Month Of Macabre. Today is the 19th so I will go from 11 to 19 in this blog. If you need a reminder of the list I suppose I could leave it here:




"Too Many Times We've Let It Come To This"


11: Coolest Transformation

An American Werewolf in London. Another film I saw (or was subjected to) when I was around 9. The transformation from man to beast is still the best to this day. And it's 33 years old now. It just goes to show how much better practical effects are compared to CGI. CGI is outdated a week after it has been digitised. Which is why if they remake Gremlins they better keep the "computer wizards" the fuck away from it.

Insert "playing with his mickey" joke here.


12: Best Zombie Franchise

Romero's Living Dead series. I haven't seen Survival of the Dead and I think I only liked Diary of the Dead because I was after binging on some hilarious badly dubbed Italian zombie films beforehand so compared to them Diary was like Citizen Kane American Beauty. But for Night, Dawn and Day it will always be the best franchise. Plus when you give it a chance, Land of the Dead is pretty good too.




13: Favourite Friday The 13th Moment

In Jason X (which does count as a Friday The 13th movie) Jason comes across two teens who offer him beer and weed and then asks him if he'd like to partake in some premarital sex. What else would you do when faced with that proposition? Why, beat up one girl with the other while both are tied up in sleeping bags of course. And then bash one against a tree. Perfect. I would have went with the tree bashing from Part VII but it had been cut down from the theatrical six hits to just one.

"No one cared who I was until I put on the mask"


14: Favourite Freddy Moment

Easy. "Welcome to primetime, bitch" from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. The third film is a great movie. I would rank it as the second best film in the franchise. It had some ingenious kills and was before Freddy started to become a parody of himself. And Dokken wrote the theme song. Unfortunately part 4 had a rap song. Is it a coincidence Freddy started to suck when he went to rap music?

When people say their baby is beautiful, this is what I see.


15: Biggest Crush

Should I answer this? Aishling, if you're reading this just skip on to the next one. I guess at the time of watching it for the first time maybe Nancy from A Nightmare on Elm Street.

This should annoy Aishling a lot.


"Step Inside, See the Devil In I"

 

16: Guilty Pleasure Movie

Does this mean a terrible film that I enjoy watching? Or one that I get pleasure from watching and should feel guilty for doing so? House of the Dead is a tremendously awful film based on the video game of the same name and was made by Uwe Boll. I've seen that two or three times which I suppose is two or three times more than anyone should. Uwe Boll makes some of the worst movies ever. And he always gets given money to make them. I will say this though, I have more of his films in my collection than I do of Eli Roth's. So that tells you how much I hate the likes of Hostel and all those torture porn films. So I guess I'll be skipping number 29 when I get to it.

Honestly, this screenshot from the game is way better than anything from the film.


17: Ugliest Alien

Can an alien be ugly? To us maybe but to their own species? Do they understand our interpretation of ugly? What if what we presume is "ugly" is actually their "normal" or "not bad" or "Tanning Chatum". You know, has a big misshapen head but for some reason people find him attractive. A lot of aliens do have big misshapen heads too. Did I just figure out that Tanning Chatum is an alien? If so, then I pick him as ugliest alien.

Seriously, that hat would be huge on a normal head.


18: Best Popular Song In A Movie

Since I don't know or care about other people's "popular" music I'm just going to go with a song I like. Aishling said I can't pick Pantera's Avoid the Light since I have never seen Dracula 2000, but then who has. Although, looking at the cast now maybe I should watch it. Just for Nathon Fillion as a priest. I am going for Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird at the end of The Devil's Rejects. I think in a previous blog I mentioned how awesome the song is. It was also in GTA San Andreas and I remember it came on the radio while I was driving a tractor so I drove that tractor for the next 9 minutes just to hear the song. Also it turned out you couldn't modify a tractor. I wanted to put hydraulics on it.

"Fuck you for not putting spinning rims on my rusty tractor"


19: Favourite Halloween Special

I can't really think of one but since nobody complained about me picking Scrooged in the last blog and it's really a Christmas film I'm going to pick The League of Gentleman's Christmas Special. It's really a horror anthology that takes place at Christmas so I think it works. I think The League of Gentlemen always works as a horror.




"You'll Realise I'm Not Your Devil Any More"


And that is that. For now. I will continue on again in the next week or so. If you were able to guess the song that the quotes are from then you are rewarded with this video of the song. If you didn't guess correctly then you will be punished with this video of an awesome song.


Saturday, 11 October 2014

It's Alive!!

Movies For The 'Ween '014


If you read my last blog I mentioned that I would be watching many horror films this month leading up to my Halloween Horror Movie Marathon Massacre. If you didn't read it I hope you had a good reason such as all the classic Universal Monsters entered our dimension to take over the world and you and your friends had to team up with Frankenstein ('s monster) to defeat them. Wolfman's got nards!!

Since the beginning of the month I have so far watched six films. I'm a little behind but I'll get there. It's all Aishling's fault anyway. Speaking of whom, she now has her own blog where she talks about stuff like clothes and music and films and other things she doesn't realise that I have better taste in. Go check out her blog here. She reviewed some of these films too so you can find them somewhere around here and compare her thoughts with mine.


Super 8

Super 8 is supposed to be an homage to Spielberg's Amblin films of the 80s and early 90s. Remember them? The Goonies and Gremlins? Super 8 is actually an action film where explosions happen between lens flares and some kids run around the set. Had it not tried to be an homage it could have been a great film but the fact that it actually tries so hard just makes it fail terribly. The kids are in no way endearing like they are in The Goonies. They just act like kids rather than being kids. Abrams should have left out half the effects and put more effort into writing a good children's sci-fi film. Also there was not one ethnic kid in the gang. How racist is that?

RUN!! It's another fucking lens flare!


Los Ojos de Julia

Or "Julia's Eyes" to you. Julia and her twin sister suffer from a degenerative eye condition. The sister kills herself after her eye operation didn't work and Julia thinks that some shenanigans have been going on. The film starts off like a supernatural horror mixed with a giallo style. I wish it had stayed that way because it becomes a typical multiple predictable twist film. It should have been at least half an hour shorter too. One thing I did like was how when Julia had her eye operation and her eyes were bandaged over the camera never showed anyone's face. It just couldn't save the film.

When I searched "Julia's Eyes gif" this came up.


Sinister

Ethan Hawke is a true crime writer who moves into a new house and finds a box of old film reels and immediately starts to watch them and hits the bottle. Like all authors do. Those high-functioning alcoholics. The use of music for the film reels was great except for when they'd put in that jump-scare loud noise. When things go quiet you know a loud noise is coming along with a big close-up face. Pant-shittingly scary it is not. Sinister is like the opposite of Julia's Eyes. Julia's Eyes started as a supernatural film and became a kind of predictable thriller, whereas Sinister starts as a thriller and becomes a kind of predictable supernatural horror. But Ziggy is in it!

Ahh! Wet paint, my one fear.


You're Next

Madonna and her husband are joined by their spoilt rich kids and their partners and Ti West in their new house for a dysfunctional anniversary dinner. It's a clich├ęd family with the rich dad and stuck-up wife, the annoying bully brother who doesn't die quick enough, the semi-failed college lecturer, the bimbo daughter and the black sheep son. Besides all that it became a good home invasion thriller/horror. It's one of the few horror films where the woman becomes the hero who fights back but without having to be humiliated first like in I Spit On Your Grave. This is less revenge and more survival. A nice change. She's not an unkillable machine either as there are scenes where she is hiding and scared but she does take her opportunities and takes them with both hands. Usually wrapped around a weapon.

Yeah Madonna, I think it's that child you stole.


Big Ass Spider

You can probably guess what this is about from the film title. A military experiment goes awry and a spider escapes into L.A. and grows bigger and terrorises people with its crappy CGI butt webs. But fear not. That guy from that thing is on the case with his comic-relief-hispanic-sidekick. All this makes it sound like a terrible B-movie. Which it is but it's not entirely terrible. It's a fun creature feature. If it was produced by Sy-Fy then I'd be worried. And Ray Wise is in it with his Ray Wise voice. But what if it was actually called Big, Ass Spider? If someone from Sy-Fy is reading this then I want a producer credit.

Most of you will probably identify with this.


Frankenstein

I assume you all know the story of Frankenstein. Or you have at least watched Young Frankenstein (if not then you really are failing at life) as it's the same basic story except for the dance number. Man creates monster, man can't control monster, man must kill monster. How many times have I had to do that. Gee whiz... But this is the 1931 film starring Boris Karloff as the monster wearing the make-up that every Frankenstein costume would be based on. It's a classic, even though there are parts that are quite funny now and the people don't seem that bothered that a man stole bodies and cut them up to make his monster. Watch it and see how good films used to be when the studios assumed everyone knew the story and didn't need an hour long build up to introduce the love interest and bore the arse off you.

He's got fresh moves. Get it?



Month of Macabre


Aishling is doing this Month of Macabre thing so I might get involved with it too.


Since I'm writing this on the 10th I will do as far as that this time. More to come in my next blog.


01: Favourite Movie Killer

I gots to go with Jason Voorhees for this one. Friday the 13th has always been my favourite horror movie series.



02: Sentimental VHS Rental

Salem's Lot. I remember waking up one night when I was younger and going into the sitting room and mom and dad were watching this on the telly. Many years later when I was in college I went to a nearby video/DVD rental shop and they had many horror films on video and I rented Salem's Lot. I now have it on DVD and myself and Ash just watched it recently.

Ah! So if you turn it upside down his clothes come off!


03: Creepiest Doll/Puppet

All the dolls from Dolls. Again when I was younger we were in my cousin's and I watched this film. I could remember it well for many years after. Charles Band made many films about killer dolls. But Dolls had the trifecta of being produced by Charles Band and Brian Yuzna with Stuart Gordon directing.



04: Best or Worst Remake

I don't think I'm allowed pick The Thing (2011) as the worst remake because it's technically not a remake. It's supposed to be a prequel even though a lot of what happens rips off John Carpenter's The Thing. Which is why I call it a premake. It sucks anyway. But for worst remake I will go with When A Stranger Calls. No blood, nothing interesting happens and the killer gets arrested at the end. I just saved you 90 minutes.
Best remake is The Fly by David Cronenberg. Great effects all over the place in this.

Too many cuntin' sprouts.


05: Funniest Horror Comedy

There's Cannibal, The Musical. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. Cabin in the Woods. But I will copy Aishling with this one and go with Shaun Of The Dead. It's so good that every wannabe horror comedy that has come out since is always compared to it. And when the quote on the cover says "The funniest horror since Shaun of the Dead" you know it will be nowhere near as good. I don't think anything will ever come close. It's got the perfect mix of humour and gore.



06: Favourite Black & White Movie

There's a few good ones. Night of the Living Dead, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Psycho, Nosferatu (As you may or may not know, all the music for Nosferatu was destroyed because of a bitch but luckily the film survived and there are multiple soundtracks but the version we saw last year had music that was very black metal sounding and it worked superbly).
My choice however is Fiend Without A Face. Flying brains attack people, a man hands out numerous rifles from the back seat of his car and a man accuses another man of "tom-cattin' around".

Dammit woman! That's not where you put your brain. Best to stick to things you know like kittens and child birth.


07: Best Kill With An Object

Brain Dead. Or Dead Alive, depending on where in the world you are. Lionel disposes of many zombies with a lawnmower. It's the greatest mass zombie mutilation ever. If you haven't seen it yet then you need to immediately. It was made by a imaginative young go-getter who unfortunately went Hollywood and forgot how to stop making Lord of the Rings.

"I kick arse for the Lord"


08: Freakiest Circus/Sideshow

I have no idea what this means. Is it something I have gone to or that I've seen in a film? I guess I'll pick the film Freaks. It's about a group of circus freaks that thinks a woman is marrying their friend for his money. It's really good and has actual freaks in it.



09: Favourite Ghost

Patrick Swayze. Or the ghost of Christmas future from Scrooged. It still counts even though it's a Christmas film.



10: Best Dracula

I think there have been a few great portrayals of Dracula. Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee and Gary Oldman. However, Nosferatu wins it for the original look and body shape that made great looking shadows. And he messed with Spongebob.

This is for you, Michelle.



Look at Nosferatu's face above. It's mesmerising.

Next week I may have another review blog up about whatever films I get watched and I will continue the Month of Macabre thing. Maybe. If I can think of anything.

I will leave you with the video of an awesome song. For anyone who thinks the American Horror Story clown is scary you are an idiot. It's not about the make-up, it's who is under it. It was scarier when they decided to let Vesty McDickFace star in the second season.

Enjoy.